Where art meets psychology.
Why is narcissistic abuse so corrosive?
Taking people at face value, using yourself as frame of reference for gauging
the true intentions of others - wiping the slate clean every time and starting
afresh. The ability to forgive others from a deep place of understanding. For
the abused, these empathic gifts were the tools the abuser exploited, ones
that contributed to your downfall.
Typically, highly empathic survivors of abuse naively, weren’t even aware
of what constitutes abuse. Nor did they ever foresee the depths of depravity
that these individuals are capable of - especially from those people whom
initially seemed so well balanced, genuine and loving.
Outside of a world of Emmys and Oscars, some of the best actors and
actresses walk among us. They’ll exploit your strengths and prey on your
weakness, narcissists will manipulate emotions to appear as victims to
avoid any accountability. Despite the honed acting skills, you will only
detect them when the mask suddenly slips, revealing the monster hidden
within. This seemly kind and loving person morphs into something quite
malevolent, and will intentionally embark in a mission to destroy you.
Reality quickly gets kicked into touch, as the unsuspecting target of the
abuse, now experiences an alien world, mired in disbelief, confusion and
utter bewilderment. As an unexpected bonus, cognitive dissonance sets
in . . . how come I never spotted this before? Are they really that bad? Are
they really a monster? Or maybe I am the monster?
In the aftermath of abuse, cortisol searing through veins, anger towards
your abuser is natural, usually the anger is directed internally, towards
yourself. When the universe eventually stops kicking the shit out of you,
you’ll probably start kicking the shit out of yourself. Questioning - how
could I have been so stupid? And in your defence, you probably weren’t
stupid? You were just another unsuspecting target who fell prey to their
excellent acting skills, well-honed since early childhood. And whilst you
might be a little freakish at times, you are probably not a monster either!
And have fallen prey to negative self-talk or listened the negative
projections of the abuser - and you are not to blame!
A lot of illnesses are psychosomatic in origin, the accumulative effects of
stress stored within the body can cause a range of symptoms. Digestion
issues, stress induced tinnitus, mental breakdown, heart attacks, strokes
and suicide, to name but a few.
Narcissistic abuse can also cause brain damage, severe trauma causes the
limbic system to become unhinged. The two main components within the
limbic system are the hippocampus and the Amygdala. The hippocampus
which regulates emotions and stores both new and past memories decrease
in size. While the Amygdala increases in size which leads to increased
negative self-talk which lowers our sense of self-worth, and heightens
our fight or flight responses.
Brain damage also occurs within the pre-frontal cortex, which although is
not part or the limbic system, but in a way is always slave to its demands,
reducing neural activity and creating a sense of cognitive confusion or
brain fog, thus, reducing your ability to think with any clarity.
Physical abuse might well leave scars, but the damage done by emotional
abuse is far more insidious, long-term. Many whom have suffered abuse
attempt to run from the pain, unfortunately, some check themselves out
life prematurely, others turn to substance abuse as a coping mechanism.
Others lock themselves away from society to avoid or risk any future pain.
Many more will shut themselves down on an emotive level to become but
a vacant husk of a former-self. Some will fall prey to the victim mindset
and always remain victims, rather than attempt to transcend victimhood
to become a survivor.
Strange as might sound, some people who have survived abuse, might
consciously enter into a future relationship, but this time knowingly
selecting a weak and insecure partner, in order to dominate them. Thus,
the abused can turn themselves into an abuser.