To Grin and Bear
Where art meets psychology.
Taking people at face value, using yourself as frame of reference for gauging the true intentions of others - wiping the slate clean every time and starting afresh. The ability to forgive others from a deep place of understanding. For the abused, these empathic gifts were the tools the abuser exploited, ones that contributed to your downfall. Typically, highly empathic survivors of abuse naively, weren’t even aware of what constitutes abuse. Nor did they ever foresee the depths of depravity that these individuals are capable of - especially from those people whom initially seemed so well balanced, genuine and loving. Outside of a world of Emmys and Oscars, some of the best actors and actresses walk among us. They’ll exploit your strengths and prey on your weakness, narcissists will manipulate emotions to appear as victims to avoid any accountability. Despite the honed acting skills, you will only detect them when the mask suddenly slips, revealing the monster hidden within. This seemly kind and loving person morphs into something quite malevolent, and will intentionally embark in a mission to destroy you. Reality quickly gets kicked into touch, as the unsuspecting target of the abuse, now experiences an alien world, mired in disbelief, confusion and utter bewilderment. As an unexpected bonus, cognitive dissonance sets in . . . how come I never spotted this before? Are they really that bad? Are they really a monster? Or maybe I am the monster? In the aftermath of abuse, cortisol searing through veins, anger towards your abuser is natural, usually the anger is directed internally, towards yourself. When the universe eventually stops kicking the shit out of you, you’ll probably start kicking the shit out of yourself. Questioning - how could I have been so stupid? And in your defence, you probably weren’t stupid? You were just another unsuspecting target who fell prey to their excellent acting skills, well-honed since early childhood. And whilst you might be a little freakish at times, you are probably not a monster either! And have fallen prey to negative self-talk or listened the negative projections of the abuser - and you are not to blame! A lot of illnesses are psychosomatic in origin, the accumulative effects of stress stored within the body can cause a range of symptoms. Digestion issues, stress induced tinnitus, mental breakdown, heart attacks, strokes and suicide, to name but a few. Narcissistic abuse can also cause brain damage, severe trauma causes the limbic system to become unhinged. The two main components within the limbic system are the hippocampus and the Amygdala. The hippocampus which regulates emotions and stores both new and past memories decrease in size. While the Amygdala increases in size which leads to increased negative self-talk which lowers our sense of self-worth, and heightens our fight or flight responses. Brain damage also occurs within the pre-frontal cortex, which although is not part or the limbic system, but in a way is always slave to its demands, reducing neural activity and creating a sense of cognitive confusion or brain fog, thus, reducing your ability to think with any clarity. Physical abuse might well leave scars, but the damage done by emotional abuse is far more insidious, long-term. Many whom have suffered abuse attempt to run from the pain, unfortunately, some check themselves out life prematurely, others turn to substance abuse as a coping mechanism. Others lock themselves away from society to avoid or risk any future pain. Many more will shut themselves down on an emotive level to become but a vacant husk of a former-self. Some will fall prey to the victim mindset and always remain victims, rather than attempt to transcend victimhood to become a survivor. Strange as might sound, some people who have survived abuse, might consciously enter into a future relationship, but this time knowingly selecting a weak and insecure partner, in order to dominate them. Thus, the abused can turn themselves into an abuser.
Why is narcissistic abuse so corrosive?
To Grin and Bear
Where art meets psychology.
Why is narcissistic abuse so corrosive?
Taking people at face value, using yourself as frame of reference for gauging the true intentions of others - wiping the slate clean every time and starting afresh. The ability to forgive others from a deep place of understanding. For the abused, these empathic gifts were the tools the abuser exploited, ones that contributed to your downfall. Typically, highly empathic survivors of abuse naively, weren’t even aware of what constitutes abuse. Nor did they ever foresee the depths of depravity that these individuals are capable of - especially from those people whom initially seemed so well balanced, genuine and loving. Outside of a world of Emmys and Oscars, some of the best actors and actresses walk among us. They’ll exploit your strengths and prey on your weakness, narcissists will manipulate emotions to appear as victims to avoid any accountability. Despite the honed acting skills, you will only detect them when the mask suddenly slips, revealing the monster hidden within. This seemly kind and loving person morphs into something quite malevolent, and will intentionally embark in a mission to destroy you. Reality quickly gets kicked into touch, as the unsuspecting target of the abuse, now experiences an alien world, mired in disbelief, confusion and utter bewilderment. As an unexpected bonus, cognitive dissonance sets in . . . how come I never spotted this before? Are they really that bad? Are they really a monster? Or maybe I am the monster? In the aftermath of abuse, cortisol searing through veins, anger towards your abuser is natural, usually the anger is directed internally, towards yourself. When the universe eventually stops kicking the shit out of you, you’ll probably start kicking the shit out of yourself. Questioning - how could I have been so stupid? And in your defence, you probably weren’t stupid? You were just another unsuspecting target who fell prey to their excellent acting skills, well-honed since early childhood. And whilst you might be a little freakish at times, you are probably not a monster either! And have fallen prey to negative self-talk or listened the negative projections of the abuser - and you are not to blame! A lot of illnesses are psychosomatic in origin, the accumulative effects of stress stored within the body can cause a range of symptoms. Digestion issues, stress induced tinnitus, mental breakdown, heart attacks, strokes and suicide, to name but a few. Narcissistic abuse can also cause brain damage, severe trauma causes the limbic system to become unhinged. The two main components within the limbic system are the hippocampus and the Amygdala. The hippocampus which regulates emotions and stores both new and past memories decrease in size. While the Amygdala increases in size which leads to increased negative self-talk which lowers our sense of self-worth, and heightens our fight or flight responses. Brain damage also occurs within the pre-frontal cortex, which although is not part or the limbic system, but in a way is always slave to its demands, reducing neural activity and creating a sense of cognitive confusion or brain fog, thus, reducing your ability to think with any clarity. Physical abuse might well leave scars, but the damage done by emotional abuse is far more insidious, long-term. Many whom have suffered abuse attempt to run from the pain, unfortunately, some check themselves out life prematurely, others turn to substance abuse as a coping mechanism. Others lock themselves away from society to avoid or risk any future pain. Many more will shut themselves down on an emotive level to become but a vacant husk of a former-self. Some will fall prey to the victim mindset and always remain victims, rather than attempt to transcend victimhood to become a survivor. Strange as might sound, some people who have survived abuse, might consciously enter into a future relationship, but this time knowingly selecting a weak and insecure partner, in order to dominate them. Thus, the abused can turn themselves into an abuser.
TO GRIN AND BEAR TO GRIN AND BEAR