To Grin and Bear
Best of luck with that . . . just kidding! If you’ve ever questioned where does time goes? And found a satisfactory answer, please do inform me - as it was there one minute, and gone the next! For many of those who have suffered relationship abuse, reminiscing on a past abusive period in their lives, is a self-destructive process. Although several years may have slipped by, without any signs or signals that your ideal soul mate was indeed a toxic abuser, hell bent on your ultimate destruction. Its best to stay focused in on an unknown future, then it is to live a life with past regret. The future might well be filled with dreed right now - but this will pass, and after all, looking back is never the way forward. You have the ability to time travel into any moment in time, past, present or future. So, pick a happy place where as a child and you could stare for hours looking up at the sky, a timeless dimension where everything was filled with a sense of awe and wonder, sitting in the long grass, asking yourself those deep philosophical questions, like - I wonder what does an earthworm taste like? Yuck! if don’t happen to know! Irrespective of any unhappy aspects to your own childhood, still lurking in the cushions of your brain . . . find that happy space once again, stay in that happy headspace and learn to relax. The past cannot be changed, and the future is yet to happen - so, learn to embrace the now. Grab yourself as much of the now as you possibly can, filling it by doing all the things you love to do, but never really took the time. As life is a journey, and not a race! Learn to rest your body and mind, letting yourself be guided by whatever grabs your attention, rekindled past interests, reading, writing, painting, swimming, walking, cycling, alpine yodelling - whatever! While you might be in a somewhat darker place right now, note that your abuser was attracted by your light. Like a moth to a flame, your light was the prized target, the light the abuser sought to extinguish. Without light, only darkness exists, and you were the light that radiated and illuminate the relationship, and when life throws you a curveball and you need self-healing, then it’s necessary to shine this light inward and increase its intensity. But stay with the darkness for now, and enter into it, in the dark you will find the light. Perhaps you’ll discover your new future by realizing in your time travels back into childhood, that you’ve succumbed to the opinions of people who really hadn’t your best interest at heart, but they were motivated by a jealousy and envy, always willing to put you down. Perhaps convincing you that were never good enough. Everyone no matter who, has amazing talents suppressed and hidden away. As a child you were an invincible and fearless force, you could dance you could sing and do all kinds of weird stuff. You were artistic, energetic, innovative, creative, confident and witty. Staying a child at heart is always helpful, and if you look hard enough you will find them talents still hidden away. If you replace the word I can’t, with the words fuck- it I’ll try! You will to use these talents again and now maybe the world also could benefit from those talents that you’ve kept stashed and hidden away. Individuality is what makes us individuals, while abusers will always be cut from the same cloth, so, go shopping next time for a new fabric, and choose yourself a different cloth, from which you wish to be cut. Recognizing that your own uniqueness, individuality and positive attributes are what makes you, You! And leave behind a life of conformity, a life spent appeasing others to the detriment of yourself. Learn to stand up and speak out and find that suppressed inner voice once more. Any past pain or hurt can be let go of, as it no longer serves you, moving forward. While your abuser might never have been real or true to you or themselves, just a toxic abuser wearing a mask, do realize that the love you felt and thought was real- was real. Love stems from inside of you and radiates outward, and it’s funny how we can spend a lifetime searching externally, for what lies deep within. Trusted friends can be of great help, but learning which ones you can trust is another matter. Relearning the ability to attune to your intuitions and gut feelings again will help, that small inner voice or queasy feeling that helps guide and protect you. Only trust yourself with the power and ability, to trust others. Your abuser might well be smearing your name, but use this to your advantage by also not caring what others may think. Those that are on your side will know and trust you, and those that aren’t, you can leave them behind, as they are well aligned with the abuser and are of no real help to you in the present or in the future. Never attempt to fight evil with more, evil - as it will only serve to turn you into the same monster, in which you seek to defeat. Cut off all lines of communication with your abuser, as you are only yielding them extra power. If you do have to communicate with your abuser i.e., shared children, business or property, make all your conversations boring and uninteresting as possible, free from any reactive emotions as you will starve them of any fuel, they can gain by causing a reaction and getting under your skin. You can also kinda play them at their own game whilst remaining light side up, as any spoken requests from your abuser - you can ask them to put it in writing as you are very prone to forgetting and send their request on to you via email. If they are smart (but they often are not) They’ll baulk at this concept, but as they are probably dumb, they might well comply - you’ll have yourself a digital record should the shit ever hit the fan, this will prove very helpful in any legal battles or disputes. Keep all important documentation off site and backed up multiple times. Do not put yourself in any danger and if you need to phone the police for assistance, please do! Always remember to look after your health as if your life depends on it, fluctuations between insomnia and narcolepsy are a given, often induced by high levels of stress. Just to compound your insomnia further, tinnitus can be a result of excessive levels of stress, causing a ringing of the brain and even more stress that ensures from sleep deprivation. Listening to binaural beets might help, they use a four hertz frequency difference which fluctuates between both ears drums and might help cancel out some irritating tones. To find the correct tone you can use a frequency generator app for your phone . . . all of which can all be found online. The healing process can take some time, so be patient and don’t try rush the process. Least you risk finding yourself in a similar situation again, where the avatar has changed but the new person remains the exact same - take the time to remain single again, and to enjoy life, learn to embrace the silence and find an inner peace, by finding yourself once more. In the immediate aftermath of a breakup, your abuser may well enter into another relationship strait away, and they might seem from the outset to be happy again. But you’ll also know happiness is not in them, and this is just a facade. Likewise the new partner will also endure that same level of abuse as you once did. It might also take some time for you to realize and come to the conclusion that, they lost the best thing that they ever had, and that thing was you! Getting the abuser out of your head is an important first step. Compartmentalization might help - it involves you picturing your abuser in your mind’s eye, then viewing your mind as a massive bank vault . . . open a safety deposit box around half the size, shape and general dimensions as your abuser - and stuff them inside, ensuring the box is well locked, before breaking the key. If you are still thinking about your abuser, imagine drinking milk strait from the carton, only its well out of date, congealed in lumps and sour stomach churning stuff! Visually form a mental compartment for this in your mind, then add your abuser into this mental category. Focusing solely on yourself and moving forward in life once again. Learning as much about yourself will also be beneficial, plenty of personality tests are available online for free, without having to divulge any personal information. Education is key to understanding abuse and by learning about your abuse, but also your abuser, you’ll gain to ability to help others, who might also happen to find themselves in a similar situation. The internet can be an excellent source of information, although information alone differs from wisdom and knowledge. There are some helpful websites, podcasts, blogs and YouTube channels by individuals well versed on the dynamics of narcissistic and psychopathic abuse. People whom have lived the dream and suffered at the hands of a predator, those that have dedicated their lives to helping others overcome abuse by sharing their own experiences, their inner wisdom and their extensive knowledge. Perhaps someday in the far distant future, you’ll look back at the past without any regret - with fresh eyes from a renewed perspective. You’ll learn to smile once more, realizing that maybe our lives, somehow come pre-planned. As the abuse that you’ve endured, also changes your outlook and forces you to tear down some of the walls, that you have unknowingly built around yourself. To bring forth the real you, only now a stronger version of your old-self, a far more confident and far more outgoing version of you. So, perhaps in some whacky but fundamental way, your abuser was actually your best friend - as their futile attempts to destroy you only made you stronger. Serving as the catalyst for your inner self-growth and setting the stage for your own voyage of self-rediscovery. Thereby transforming you into the very person, that you were always destined to become. I hope all this information helps you in some way. If you do find this useful bookmark the page, and if you think this could benefit someone you know by all means feel free to share, also feel free to print - although it might consume a small forest due to its total length. Stay safe. Mike.
Where art meets psychology.
Healing from a toxic and abusive relationship.
Where art meets psychology.
To Grin and Bear
Where art meets psychology.
Healing from a toxic and abusive relationship.
Best of luck with that . . . just kidding! If you’ve ever questioned where does time goes? And found a satisfactory answer, please do inform me - as it was there one minute, and gone the next! For many of those who have suffered relationship abuse, reminiscing on a past abusive period in their lives, is a self-destructive process. Although several years may have slipped by, without any signs or signals that your ideal soul mate was indeed a toxic abuser, hell bent on your ultimate destruction. Its best to stay focused in on an unknown future, then it is to live a life with past regret. The future might well be filled with dreed right now - but this will pass, and after all, looking back is never the way forward. You have the ability to time travel into any moment in time, past, present or future. So, pick a happy place where as a child and you could stare for hours looking up at the sky, a timeless dimension where everything was filled with a sense of awe and wonder, sitting in the long grass, asking yourself those deep philosophical questions, like - I wonder what does an earthworm taste like? Yuck! if don’t happen to know! Irrespective of any unhappy aspects to your own childhood, still lurking in the cushions of your brain . . . find that happy space once again, stay in that happy headspace and learn to relax. The past cannot be changed, and the future is yet to happen - so, learn to embrace the now. Grab yourself as much of the now as you possibly can, filling it by doing all the things you love to do, but never really took the time. As life is a journey, and not a race! Learn to rest your body and mind, letting yourself be guided by whatever grabs your attention, rekindled past interests, reading, writing, painting, swimming, walking, cycling, alpine yodelling - whatever! While you might be in a somewhat darker place right now, note that your abuser was attracted by your light. Like a moth to a flame, your light was the prized target, the light the abuser sought to extinguish. Without light, only darkness exists, and you were the light that radiated and illuminate the relationship, and when life throws you a curveball and you need self-healing, then it’s necessary to shine this light inward and increase its intensity. But stay with the darkness for now, and enter into it, in the dark you will find the light. Perhaps you’ll discover your new future by realizing in your time travels back into childhood, that you’ve succumbed to the opinions of people who really hadn’t your best interest at heart, but they were motivated by a jealousy and envy, always willing to put you down. Perhaps convincing you that were never good enough. Everyone no matter who, has amazing talents suppressed and hidden away. As a child you were an invincible and fearless force, you could dance you could sing and do all kinds of weird stuff. You were artistic, energetic, innovative, creative, confident and witty. Staying a child at heart is always helpful, and if you look hard enough you will find them talents still hidden away. If you replace the word I can’t, with the words fuck-it I’ll try! You will to use these talents again and now maybe the world also could benefit from those talents that you’ve kept stashed and hidden away. Individuality is what makes us individuals, while abusers will always be cut from the same cloth, so, go shopping next time for a new fabric, and choose yourself a different cloth, from which you wish to be cut. Recognizing that your own uniqueness, individuality and positive attributes are what makes you, You! And leave behind a life of conformity, a life spent appeasing others to the detriment of yourself. Learn to stand up and speak out and find that suppressed inner voice once more. Any past pain or hurt can be let go of, as it no longer serves you, moving forward. While your abuser might never have been real or true to you or themselves, just a toxic abuser wearing a mask, do realize that the love you felt and thought was real- was real. Love stems from inside of you and radiates outward, and it’s funny how we can spend a lifetime searching externally, for what lies deep within. Trusted friends can be of great help, but learning which ones you can trust is another matter.Relearning the ability to attune to your intuitions and gut feelings again will help, that small inner voice or queasy feeling that helps guide and protect you. Only trust yourself with the power and ability, to trust others.Your abuser might well be smearing your name, but use this to your advantage by also not caring what others may think. Those that are on your side will know and trust you, and those that aren’t, you can leave them behind, as they are well aligned with the abuser and are of no real help to you in the present or in the future. Never attempt to fight evil with more, evil - as it will only serve to turn you into the same monster, in which you seek to defeat. Cut off all lines of communication with your abuser, as you are only yielding them extra power. If you do have to communicate with your abuser i.e., shared children, business or property, make all your conversations boring and uninteresting as possible, free from any reactive emotions – as you will starve them of any fuel, they can gain by causing a reaction and getting under your skin. You can also kinda play them at their own game whilst remaining light side up, as any spoken requests from your abuser - you can ask them to put it in writing as you are very prone to forgetting and send their request on to you via email. If they are smart (but they often are not) They’ll baulk at this concept, but as they are probably dumb, they might well comply - you’ll have yourself a digital record should the shit ever hit the fan, this will prove very helpful in any legal battles or disputes. Keep all important documentation off site and backed up multiple times. Do not put yourself in any danger and if you need to phone the police for assistance, please do! Always remember to look after your health as if your life depends on it, fluctuations between insomnia and narcolepsy are a given, often induced by high levels of stress. Just to compound your insomnia further, tinnitus can be a result of excessive levels of stress, causing a ringing of the brain and even more stress that ensures from sleep deprivation. Listening to binaural beets might help, they use a four hertz frequency difference which fluctuates between both ears drums and might help cancel out some irritating tones. To find the correct tone you can use a frequency generator app for your phone . . . all of which can all be found online. The healing process can take some time, so be patient and don’t try rush the process. Least you risk finding yourself in a similar situation again, where the avatar has changed but the new person remains the exact same - take the time to remain single again, and to enjoy life, learn to embrace the silence and find an inner peace, by finding yourself once more. In the immediate aftermath of a breakup, your abuser may well enter into another relationship strait away, and they might seem from the outset to be happy again. But you’ll also know happiness is not in them, and this is just a facade. Likewise the new partner will also endure that same level of abuse as you once did. It might also take some time for you to realize and come to the conclusion that, they lost the best thing that they ever had, and that thing was you! Getting the abuser out of your head is an important first step. Compartmentalization might help - it involves you picturing your abuser in your mind’s eye, then viewing your mind as a massive bank vault . . . open a safety deposit box around half the size, shape and general dimensions as your abuser - and stuff them inside, ensuring the box is well locked, before breaking the key. If you are still thinking about your abuser, imagine drinking milk strait from the carton, only its well out of date, congealed in lumps and sour – stomach churning stuff! Visually form a mental compartment for this in your mind, then add your abuser into this mental category. Focusing solely on yourself and moving forward in life once again. Learning as much about yourself will also be beneficial, plenty of personality tests are available online for free, without having to divulge any personal information. Education is key to understanding abuse and by learning about your abuse, but also your abuser, you’ll gain to ability to help others, who might also happen to find themselves in a similar situation. The internet can be an excellent source of information, although information alone differs from wisdom and knowledge. There are some helpful websites, podcasts, blogs and YouTube channels by individuals well versed on the dynamics of narcissistic and psychopathic abuse. People whom have lived the dream and suffered at the hands of a predator, those that have dedicated their lives to helping others overcome abuse by sharing their own experiences, their inner wisdom and their extensive knowledge. Perhaps someday in the far distant future, you’ll look back at the past without any regret - with fresh eyes from a renewed perspective. You’ll learn to smile once more, realizing that maybe our lives, somehow come pre-planned. As the abuse that you’ve endured, also changes your outlook and forces you to tear down some of the walls, that you have unknowingly built around yourself. To bring forth the real you, only now a stronger version of your old-self, a far more confident and far more outgoing version of you. So, perhaps in some whacky but fundamental way, your abuser was actually your best friend - as their futile attempts to destroy you only made you stronger. Serving as the catalyst for your inner self-growth and setting the stage for your own voyage of self-rediscovery. Thereby transforming you into the very person, that you were always destined to become. I hope all this information helps you in some way. If you do find this useful bookmark the page, and if you think this could benefit someone you know by all means feel free to share, also feel free to print - although it might consume a small forest due to its total length. Stay safe. Mike.
TO GRIN AND BEAR TO GRIN AND BEAR